Don't Tell Me!

The scale has moved up AGAIN! It is now up to 146.2 - YIKES!!!!!
I had gone over to babysit my grand-daughter Friday night & Saturday, I thought for sure I would lose some weight just running after her (Isn't she just the cutest baby ever!) with all the bending and lifting but no, I gained!

 I did find my daughter-in-laws cookie stash and had a few but really not that many (but I guess it really doesn't take that many cookies to gain). We than went on Sunday to the Jacksonville Zoo. I tell you pictures don't lie! My husband took this picture of my daughter & I and holly hell I have gained a ton of weight : (  My legs look like chubbers again! My daughter is about 120lbs., and she looks great at that weight (we are both the same height), so I really need to get down to at least 130lbs.

The funny thing is I was out shopping today and do you know what I bought and ate in the car? Ding Dongs!!!! Can you imagine with all the complaining I have been doing about weight and I ate a ding dong...... Dam that was stupid!

I really see that one of my main problems is when I get off of work and just grab things because I am tired and hungry and don't feel like making lunch, I grab something simple even it it's not healthy. I also have been stressing about things which also doesn't help.

I was stressed about the babysitting, I thought she was going to cry the whole time but she was great no problems. The other issue is that my boss asked me if I would like to help her with a catering job she has tomorrow night from 4 to 6pm. she is going to pay me $100.00, I said sure. Of course I didn't have any clothes to wear, she wanted black pants & a white shirt. I went to a number of the resale shops and found the black pants but no white shirt. I did grab a white shirt with black flowers on it, she said that would be fine to wear (she didn't want me spending money on new clothes when the point is to be making money not spending it). I also had to find some shoes, I do not have any black dress shoes (she didn't want sneakers - and that is what I live in). I bought a pair of small heals at Walmart for $11.97, I just hope they are comfortable enough to stand in for over two hours! I am looking forward to the evening for something different to do instead of the same old thing every week. Of course I am a little nervous that I will drop something or maybe spill something on someone.

I'll let you know how it goes, Wish me luck!

 

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Feeling Like A Failure

I could not be more upset with my self right now!
As I mentioned in a past blog post, I was offered the job position of being the assistant vet. tech. I accepted it with reservations being that I am a very sensitive to seeing animals harmed or hurt but I thought I could pull it off being that the animals are only getting spayed or neutered at our clinic. Today was my first time in the operating room, and it will be my last! I couldn't handle it! I am so disappointed, I was really looking forward to working more hours and learning a new job skill. I was doing okay until the point were the doctor was ready to cut the cat open and I lost it. The blood rushed to my head which made it feel like it was going to explode, it felt like my face was 150 degrees! Then my stomach started to turn, I was almost thinking I was working my way to fainting. I quickly told the doctor and the administrator I couldn't do it and went to the bathroom and tried to upchuck. I drank some water and sat down with a cold towel washing my face and I revived but thank God the administrator was there to take my place because the vet would have been up the creek with me shooting out of the room like a rocket. I am disappointed I let down the vet & my boss, they both had faith in me I could do the job. I am depressed that most likely my cleaning hours are going to be cut way down now that we are moving more towards just a spay & neutering clinic and away from taking in cats to rehome. There just won't be enough for me to clean for three hours every day. My boss mentioned while I was white faced and sitting in a chair that maybe I could work in the check in area instead, I hope that will be an option I can do. I just feel like I am such a failure!!

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Happy Father's Day!

This is a picture of my husband and son, this is my son's first father's day as a dad! He really is a wonderful dad, it really makes me so happy to see that he has such a wonderful way with his daughter. My dad passed about 12 years ago now, and it always makes me sad on father's day to think of him gone, so it's hard to really celebrate the day but life goes on.
I picked up "The Diet Cure" by Julia Ross from my library, and I am LOVING it! What an amazing book! It is so informative! I get crazy when I start reading a book like this that has so much information in it, I jump ahead and go back that I lose track of what I am reading. To stop myself I got out a notebook and am taking notes as I go along to help me remember all of the great info. Now granted it states you will need to buy/take a lot of supplements and amino acids to help get your body back to where is needs to be, so there is a big lay out of cash if you want to cover all of your problems right away. That of course is not in my budget so I am focusing on my most important problem first - How tired I always am. I think this is a good spot to start at since if you have energy thru out the day you can accomplish a lot even eating better because you aren't too tired to cook which stops the quick grab and eat food that is usually not very good for you. I will update you on my progress in the next post.

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Time For A Haircut

I was at work on Tuesday and just was having one of those days were I felt sickish, my hair was in my way and making me even hotter (It has been HOT here in Florida). I always wonder when I am struggling with heat if it is really hot or am I starting the hot flash thing of menopause. I could not put a finger on the real problem so I decided to get my hair cut. I have found a great gal at Fantastic Sam's, they charge $15.00 for a haircut. The best part is the gal I use is fantastic she really understands what I am looking for. I felt a lot better after having it done and it looked good too. Well I go to work today and no one mentioned my haircut.... kind of a bummer. I had to work this past weekend so my paycheck this week was $190.00! Now that felt great getting a check in that amount. I hope when I start the vet tech assistant job it all works out and I can do it, it will be great to get a bigger pay check. I will be working Monday & Tuesday, I guess full days 9 to 5. That will be a big change for me working a full day, I'm used to my naps : ) It's funny how a little thing like a hair cut can make you feel better, now I just have to get my butt in gear and start eating right. So much of what your day is like is from your eating style, too much junk food and you feel like junk it is a fact. That's where I am at now, too much junk is bringing me down...... I can't wait to read the Diet Cure book sounds so interesting!

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Feeling Your Best Health and Money Wize At 52

Feeling your best? I am really striving to find it, I want to be around for my family & be able to have my grand daughter to get a chance to know me without seeing me sick and used up. I think when you hit your fifties you really wake up to the fact that it's now or never no matter what you are hoping for! You have to face facts that if by now you haven't become wealthy you probably won't unless someone leaves you a bundle, If you are not feeling well it's only going to get worse as you age ect. It's do or die time literally and figuratively. I still play the mega million game from time to time in hopes of winning - not so much to have money (which would be nice) but to be able to help out my kids when they need money. It was so fun when I had come into so money a few years ago being an executor of a will. I had a nice chunk of cash that I could help my son buy his first home, Now that felt sooooo good! That's what I'm talking about, if you have extra cash you can help others and it relives your brain of the stress of the "What if's" that pop up all the time in life. My daughter says all the time that if I were to win a million dollars I would spend it all, and she is I probably right. I LOVED being able to take my family all out for dinner and not have to look at the prices on the menu it made the evening so enjoyable. I pray one day God will grant my wish to win a chunk of money so before I pass on I again can enjoy the feeling of giving, but until then we will live barely from one pay check to another. As for feeling your best, I am still struggling with that! I have been adding a ton of fruit to my diet, watermelon, cherries & grapes. I have been trying to get back into the swing of eating my nuts while I watch my Netflix movie at night (but I have to be honest with you my teeth are pretty bad and it hurts to eat nuts - Note to my younger self: Take care of your teeth!). Today I had a major headache, not sure if it is from it being so dam hot & humid here in Florida or maybe it is from my cutting back on chocolate. So you know what I did? I had some chocolate! I know, I could kick myself in the pants, but I am so afraid of headaches. I get migraines and they scare the hell out of me - I will do ANYTHING not to let a regular headache get to the migraine stage! I really wish I would have been following along with this blog last year when I was losing all of the weight on what I was eating to successfully lose the weight. be  I am really struggling with it. This morning I weighed in at 144.8 - Dam : ( I have my library getting me a book called "Diet Cure", I am really looking forward to reading it, I'll let you know what tips & ideas I get from it.

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Mondays Do Suck!!

I sorry I have to complain today!
I give a 110% at my job every day, that's a fact. Now granted cleaning is not rocket science but I really try hard to make the place look great. I listen to everything my boss says to do and I do it. Today she was on my butt for not keeping up on changing the air fresheners! She made me feel like a total ass in front of the new girl (who is 16 yrs. old). I just feel like a deflated balloon, since I give so much of myself to the job and she still treats me like an asshole. I see why so many people don't give a shit at their jobs, Is it really worth it? I mean why go the extra mile to do your best when the bosses treat you like garbage. I love my job but honestly it is so hard to keep up your self esteem when some one degrades you like my boss does. The funny thing is my boss asked me to consider taking the veterinary assistant job that is available, HELLO if your not happy with the way I can't remember to change the air fresheners why would you want me to be in charge of the care of a recovering animal??????? My mother always told me to treat people the way you want to be treated, I really try and live by that rule. Hurting peoples feelings is just such a low thing to do. Now I'm not saying when you screw up you shouldn't get a talking to, but do it in a manner that is productive not shredding a persons self esteem. Maybe I take things to personally! I really should let this kind of thing roll off my back and not care so much I guess. As for the tech assistant job I was really thinking of trying it, but now I am really worried it will just be too much stress. I NEED the extra money for sure and really would hate turning a job down since honestly how many people want to hire a 52 year old who doesn't have very much past work history?????? I'll pray about it and see what happens.
Thanks for listening to my rant today, Mondays are really tough some weeks : (

Until Next Time - God Bless!!

Weight Loss & Life.... Shit Happens!

It's strange how people come into your life who affect you and you don't even know them that well. Let me fill you in, where I work the people who own the store next to us run a motorcycle repair shop. They are a nice couple who actually invited me over for cake when the wife was celebrating her 62nd birthday. Anyway, the man is sick, very sick from what I can gather. They are packing their shop up, I guess they are going out of business. Their friends have been stopping by to help them pack & move, you can tell it is such a sad time for all of them. I feel bad that here they must have worked really hard over the years to have their own business and now sickness is robbing them out of it. The wife looks so sad as you can imagine, she must be dealing with so much. It really makes you look at your own life and say "What the hell am I complaining about"!! Life does go by so fast and then you are at middle age and the body starts to have issues just when you need it most. I mean really your eyesight goes bad, your pains gets worse, things just start flaring up. Then you yell at your self for not taking better care of that body of yours when you were younger...... Last year I think I was in the best shape of maybe my entire life and I let it slip away! I can tell you when your body feels good it really feels good (does that make sense?). I pray I can get back to that soon. I know I CAN do it, it is just a matter of doing it. Like today I bought another box of the weight watcher ice cream bars! I know I can not keep eating them and get back to where I need to be weight wise but I still keep eating them : (  I am at 143.2 pounds this morning and my pants are tight as hell. At work I had to unbutton the top button of my pants to be able to do my job! But yet I was there at Target buying that box of ice cream, WHY! I just don't get it. I have been buying watermelon as much as I can because I LOVE watermelon and I am hoping it will help be move away from the ice cream. It's funny how I find so many reasons to buy the ice cream each day like, I'm tired from work and I need a quick snack, I have had a shitty day, I feel depressed ect., all of these reasons would correct themselves if I would just stop the ice cream because eating right makes your whole out look on things so much better, you have energy for the stress that pops up and you just feel so much better you can handle anything. Isn't it funny how we all know this but yet we still eat incorrectly.
Anyway, I really am going to try and get myself back to feeling better. Just seeing my work neighbor and what he is going through just shows me we don't know how long we have got on this earth but you might as well try and be your healthiest while your here so you can enjoy it!!

Until Next Time - God Bless!!