Feeling Like A Failure

I could not be more upset with my self right now!
As I mentioned in a past blog post, I was offered the job position of being the assistant vet. tech. I accepted it with reservations being that I am a very sensitive to seeing animals harmed or hurt but I thought I could pull it off being that the animals are only getting spayed or neutered at our clinic. Today was my first time in the operating room, and it will be my last! I couldn't handle it! I am so disappointed, I was really looking forward to working more hours and learning a new job skill. I was doing okay until the point were the doctor was ready to cut the cat open and I lost it. The blood rushed to my head which made it feel like it was going to explode, it felt like my face was 150 degrees! Then my stomach started to turn, I was almost thinking I was working my way to fainting. I quickly told the doctor and the administrator I couldn't do it and went to the bathroom and tried to upchuck. I drank some water and sat down with a cold towel washing my face and I revived but thank God the administrator was there to take my place because the vet would have been up the creek with me shooting out of the room like a rocket. I am disappointed I let down the vet & my boss, they both had faith in me I could do the job. I am depressed that most likely my cleaning hours are going to be cut way down now that we are moving more towards just a spay & neutering clinic and away from taking in cats to rehome. There just won't be enough for me to clean for three hours every day. My boss mentioned while I was white faced and sitting in a chair that maybe I could work in the check in area instead, I hope that will be an option I can do. I just feel like I am such a failure!!

Until Next Time - God Bless!!